Catchers In The Web

If you’re up to IT, you might try a bit of technology to find a soulmate. According to its development manager, more than 100,000 people have used the TV Teletext dating service and there have been at least 20 marriages and 10 children.

An even more popular form of personal ad are the websites which specialise in introductions and carry tens of thousands of ‘dater profiles’. There are even cyber agony aunts, skilled in netiquette, who give advice to net Romeos and Juliets as to how to navigate through the sometimes treacherous surf. Online oddballs abound. Steer clear of them: cyber virgins are as vulnerable to online Casanovas as virtuous ladies were to more earthy swains in Austen’s or Hardy’s novels.

Some of the sites are devoted specifically to relationships. Others, like CompuServe’s Connection Café, appeal to a wider audience. You can put personal ads in free of charge, chat about your love life or lack of it, and ramble on about your GSOH (good sense of humour) until you’ve bored your reader sick. This site generates about 1,000 messages a week, mostly by men. When you answer an ad, you type in your ID number but don’t at this point have to reveal your name because it isn’t added automatically to your reply which is sent anonymously across the Internet.

The ads are divided into regions covering Ireland and the whole of the UK with the emphasis on romance. General interest sections for pen pals, hobbies and lift sharing are also featured. The service is ‘moderated’ to eliminate rude or nasty messages, but cannot be 100% infallible, so be on your guard.

You don’t have to be content with the UK. There are more fish in the sea than those that swim round our island waters; you can trawl the world with your net. If you have met some Lothario in France, Spain, Italy or the US, or a Nordic beauty/Moll Flanders on the way, they could prove initially more accessible via the Internet than meeting a real life Mr. D’Arcy or a lovely Lara in the UK.

It is well to remember that on-line introductions are in effect blind dates. You do not meet face to face, at least initially, so you learn about them not from their looks but only by what they say or any photos which they may send (genuine or not). You can portray yourself in any guise you like (the mind boggles).The fees are rarely displayed prominently and often extremely hard to discover even after perusing links and the frequently asked questions (FAQs) with the eagle eyes of a Sherlock Holmes.

Mark Griffiths, a psychologist researching technological addiction, says that on-line relationships can be very compelling, because people’s inhibitions break down much sooner than if they met face to face. Meetings and marriages are possible after contact is made on the net, but difficulties arise when correspondents come from different parts of the globe.

To avoid disappointments or even danger, take precautions:

• Guard your anonymity and don’t reveal your real name or phone number for several months or until you feel you can trust the other person.
• Don’t meet a cyber friend in the ‘real world’ unless you want to. If you do, arrange the meeting in a public place during the day.
• Tell a reliable person where you are going, or take them along.
• Have a contingency plan ready in case things go wrong.
• Don’t swallow, hook, line and sinker, everything you read or are told.
• If you get any pressure or harassment, report it to those maintaining the website.
• Don’t get carried away by protestations of love. A lack of commitment or even dubious intent is often revealed by such words as ‘should’, ‘would’, ‘if’, ‘perhaps’, ‘maybe’.

• Computers can be an addiction. Keep a sense of proportion and tear yourself away from the screen occasionally.
• Be patient. To establish trust needs time.

One caution, often ignored, is that international phone calls can make a big hole in your pocket.