You’ve decided, after long deliberation about the single life, that in spite of its many attractions (freedom to do what you want, when you want, spend what you like on what you like, etc.), it is not for you. How then do you extend your circle of friends and possibly from among them find a marriage partner, even though marriage is not your highest priority at the moment? Having answered the questions at the end of the previous chapter, you know the type of person you are and the type you would like to meet. You also know what turns you off and the type of activity you enjoy.

 

This should point you to the kind of person who might fill any void in your life. Now comes the hard part: where you can find them. Men are rarely in a hurry to tie the knot unless it offers overwhelming attractions that can’t be won in any other way. They know they have all their lives to choose the ‘right’ woman (sometimes several) with only one caution – the right woman might meanwhile be snapped up by somebody else.

 

By contrast, biology puts a constraint on a woman’s choice. Being young is the best time physically for women to marry, but today’s thinking is that it hinders career chances, so they delay marriage to get qualifications and better jobs and to improve their chances of a better lifestyle in the future.You can meet people at any time, but the right age for marriage, for men or women, is when you are old enough to make sensible decisions about your aims and ambitions, and young enough to go for them. This philosophy does not fit in with current ideas.

 

Madeleine Wickham says that marrying young does not have to be limiting. Marriage vows do not include any reference to housework or giving up your personal ambitions. You promise to love and cherish: a reciprocal arrangement that lasts forever and means that you can think long term. ‘You have the freedom to gamble.’

Start Young, By Degrees

Getting into a university not only helps you to a bigger salary, with a loan big enough to lead you into bankruptcy, but most important of all, a choice of lifetime friends and partners. So the choice and number of A levels you achieve at school have a far wider impact on your future than the career you ultimately choose. They set you in a different circle of friends and acquaintances amongst whom may be your life partner. Beware. You need the right course or institution to come upon Mr. or Ms. Right. Though either or both could turn up at Dogsbody College or the University of Basham and Wallopem, older places of learning such as Oxford and Cambridge have the pick of what seems to be the best. Get there, and you will also have your pick of that year’s crop.

Think Twice

Choose your course with care. You could be accepted with rather poorer A levels for less ‘popular’ subjects like classics or theology or even chemistry. A much better academic record is needed when applying for history, English, law, PPE or similar sought after degrees. However, it is not easy to change direction once you are ‘in’ and you don’t want to be turfed out in your first year because you cannot take root in your new environment.

Sometimes being ‘disadvantaged’ helps entry (postal code, inner city/ comprehensive/state education, physical handicap, etc.). Even then your application may not succeed unless your interviewer agrees with you that your brilliance and knowledge is quite exceptional. Sometimes a hobby with a big drop out rate such as parachuting, or a casual mention of all your community/charity work, will get you in when nothing else will.

St. Andrews tends to be favoured by Scottish nationals (why not?) and has been given a royal nod of approval by the attendance of a prince: an heir, second in line to the British throne, no less. Durham, Bristol, Warwick and Exeter are well thought of and Dublin gives an attractive Irish accent and sometimes a bit of drama to go with it. Trinity College, founded by Elizabeth I, and which did not accept Catholics as students for some 300 years, keeps the fascinating Book of Kells within its precinct (entrance fee required) and is a good hunting ground not only for books.

The better known universities and colleges in London (King’s, LSE, Imperial, UCL, for example) have an international reputation. They offer all the amenities of London, but non-resident students often have to make long journeys from their homes for meetings and activities. These may be consequently less well attended than those in universities where there are more halls of residence. The two Colleges of Law in Holborn and Lancaster Gate suffer from the same difficulty, less apparent in their branches in the smaller towns of Guildford and Chester.