The crunch has come. You are meeting a man or woman for the first time. This meeting is no accident. It has arisen through an actual effort on your part or that of an intermediary, perhaps a paid one, because you are seeking a friend or a partner, perhaps a lifetime’s one. You have memorised a few interesting or humorous anecdotes (and hope you can remember them). They might be useful to fill in gaps in the sparkling conversation you hope to achieve. You are looking your best and dressed appropriately for the occasion.

 

Now, how do you start the ball rolling without scoring an own goal? There are two options. The first is fairly easy. If you don’t like the look of the person you find yourself with, and can’t see yourself warming to them however long you stay or hard you try, don’t roll the ball at all. Get away as fast as politeness permits. The fact that you cannot create the chemistry to fire up the senses is no reflection on either of you. You just haven’t clicked.

 

The second option is when you like the look of your potential partner. How do you translate that first meeting into a second and third . . . and more? This is also fairly easy when you get a similar response, a helpful signal from the other side. But what if the only signals you get are negative ones? How do you manage then? You can give up. Accept that it’s a no win situation and leave the venue, unrequited. Alternatively, you can try to make such an impression on the person that they remain staring into your eyes, wanting more . . . much more. (A likely story.)

Are They Really Single?

Before you go any further, make sure that the person you are meeting is single, not married or ‘separated’. This check is normally done by the agency that sets up a meeting, but there is no harm in making sure as far as you can that, to use computer terminology, ‘what you see is what you get’. This is not easy: no new acquaintance keeping a date will ever tell you that they are married – except as a prelude to a sob story about their imminent divorce.

 

Teens and early twenties are unlikely to have ties. (Hire a private detective later, if you must.) A little subtlety is needed for older would-be sweethearts. Few people will take exception to a question about where they live. From here you can go on to ask about their house or flat and make sympathetic noises about costs. That should provide clues to the number of people living in your date’s abode. But if you’re worried, trust your instincts. Back off. He or she is not for you.

 

Do not be inveigled into any relationship, however sweetly worded, if a current wife or husband is around, particularly if they have young children. Even if you are told that the marriage/partnership is dead, has been finished a long time ago, etc., you will be acting as the gravedigger or undertaker for the funeral. And if a husband or wife is ready to be ‘stolen’, statistics suggest that somebody else will play the same game with them later on. Keep your conscience clear.

First Impressions

Greet your date with a smile. Conversations, like a baby, are at their most vulnerable in the first few moments of life. If you happen to be very short, very fat or think you are otherwise not particularly physically well favoured, go ahead with your conversation, ignoring your apparent ‘defects’. Being short has proved no obstacle to fame, fortune and romantic relationships. Short Spencer Tracy’s affair with tall Katharine Hepburn lasted 26 years. The other approach is to draw attention to and make light of any apparent imperfections: ‘I’m such a fat cat . . .’ with a smile, ‘because of all the money I’m making’ or ‘I may look short, but I’m growing fast.’